I don’t know about you, but I have a lot of anger issues. I get upset with traffic, with people, and with myself. I have taken time lately to work on this and help myself. I have started to look a deeper reasons for being angry at little things. I have instead started to smile or shake my head when things happen, but continue to move on. I don’t want to have something control me like that. I am a slow work in progress, but it’s worth it.
Anger is something that happens to everyone for different or some times the same reasons. Everyone gets angry, but not everyone lets it control you. You have to work on these things. I have had to work on not getting angry at people. I have come to the realization that some people just have no concept of others… either by spacial, social, or consciously. I used to get so upset if someone walked in my way, took forever to do something, or just not paying attention, but it’s not worth it. I can’t get upset over these things because you don’t know what the other person is doing or going through.
I no longer want angry to have it’s hold over me. I do wish that people would become aware of their surroundings, but I won’t become angry about it to the point where it controls me. It’s just not worth it, plus you miss some amazing things that it going on around you.
I am honestly struggling right now… not having a job is scary, but self-doubt is a much bigger monster. I know who and what I am, but doubts can make you feel like the opposite of anything that you are. When you get down do something that reminds you of how awesome you really are.
I am believer in Christ, and I know that means that I serve him and not this world… and in these days that gives me great comfort. The world is only getting worse, and I know that it’s not a place I want to be much longer.
The times are changing… for the worse. We have to march for basic rights, for love, to not be hurt while doing the right things, and it’s getting to be disheartening. I saw a story about how people were dead from an accident and my first thought was ‘well, at least they don’t have to be around to see how much worse it can get’… and that’s a sad thought. We should want to be alive, having new experiences, and enjoying ourselves without looking over our shoulder, automatically worrying if someone is going to gun us down when we go about our daily lives, or if we are going to be profiled for just being ourselves.
I think that the only thing that gets me through most days is the thought that God does in fact love me, and I know that no matter what happens in this world that we are going somewhere better. We are love and while, yes, bad things do happen… it’s not going to be the end.
I woke up this morning, and realized that I didn’t have to get ready for work. I realized that I didn’t have any plans. I realized that I had no idea what I was doing… and it was scary, but it was also exciting.
I have often heard that if your dreams don’t scare you then they aren’t big enough. I don’t think that quitting my job from an abusive boss was exactly a dream, but more of an idea that I wanted to be happy in my job. You don’t have to work somewhere that has any form of abuse, just because it pays well. I know that money isn’t everything, but it was solidified for me this week… and that might be the thing that scares me the most.
I was given the reminder that money doesn’t buy happiness. I had the thought float through my head…could I work for less than I used to? Could I work and actually be happy? Could I work and not stress on my days off that I got everything done? I thought all these questions and much more… and I got happy. I was happy at the idea that this is a new start for me. I could do something else… something new… something that paid less, but also stressed less.
So… exciting is scary, but it’s still scary. I have been putting out applications, and now I just wait on God’s will… that’s also exciting and scary to see what could be next.
I have just done something so freeing… I quit my well paying job. I have no idea what the future holds, and hopefully it will be revealed quickly. I have no prospects, but the idea of working for an abusive boss isn’t something that I could do anymore.
I wanted to be successful, but I don’t think that I can do it as my own expense. I know that bills will pile up, things won’t go right, and I will get job rejections, but God has a plan… that I know for sure. I won’t let myself be told I am stupid, that I can’t do my job, or anything else that makes me doubt myself or my future.
We worry about so much stuff, and all it really comes down to is that it’s what we are told we need to worry about. I used to worry about my job, my car, my clothes… and then I realized that I can’t do that. I am so worried about what life tells me to worry about that I have missed the point of living… which is to enjoy that which is around you. I don’t want a job that makes me take home stress… I want a job that lets me enjoy life.
I have noticed that this isn’t a thing much anymore… no one wants to take responsibility, but everyone will hold others accountable. I don’t like this… I feel that we should all take responsibility for the things that we do. We don’t live in a world where someone else controls you… and if they do you need to take a look at your life. We weren’t created to be slaves to others, but to ourselves. We need to accept when we do something if it’s to the good or the bad. I see a lot of people wanting change, but no one will take on the responsibility to start this change. I think that if we start to do this then things will change. You cannot go around blaming others for your problems, your days, or anything… it’s up to you what you do so own it… even if it’s a bad one. You will be better because of it.
I know that everyone has heard that actions speak louder than words, and this is absolutely true. I have found out this about my self more now than ever. I have started to re-evaluate why I do some of the things I do and found somethings that seem small can really hurt you in the long run. I urge everyone to look at yourself and think about why you do what you do even in a daily basis… it can be eye opening. I have made it a personal goal to change for the better… so better late than never.
I have been off social media for 1 month and I have noticed a difference in myself. I have become more positive, realized who my friends are, and feel less stress than I have in a long time. I love the new feelings that I have about the world around me. I am finding out things about myself, my likes and dislikes, and new experiences that I would never have tried because I was so into what everyone else was doing.
I feel free from a lot of things that I used to worry about, I have learned whose opinions matter and whose don’t, and I have a better love for myself. I wasn’t sure I could make it a month, but now I can’t see myself getting back into it. I recommend everyone to try taking a month break from social media to see what you discover about others, yourself, and the world around you.