I have a true love hate relationship with this holiday… namely because I don’t think it’s a holiday. I don’t think that buying someone extravagant gifts, flowers that quickly wilt, or chocolates that are over priced is the way to show someone you love them. I don’t think that telling someone you love them once in 365 days shows real love… I know that everyone’s love language is different, but this to me just doesn’t seem genuine. I am not here to down anyone who celebrates it, but I just don’t see it. I can’t imagine if Jesus or God only told us he loved us once… would we really know it or feel it? Probably not… he tells us every day in ways that are both seen and unseen. I know that as a human being it’s nice to feel and know you are loved and wanted so let’s try to make everyday Valentine’s Day in our own ways.
I have been without social media for over 2 weeks now… and I can tell it’s made a difference in me. I have become more social to the real people around me. I have begun to read more, do things I hadn’t in a long time, and even pick up a hobby. I am appreciating the small things, like how good a cup of coffee can taste if you aren’t focusing on everything else. I have begun to appreciate myself more, because I can say that I’m happy… really happy. I don’t have to worry about, read about, or hear about whatever problems or stress people are going through or think they are going through. I have begun to see the other parts of life like compassion for others, helping the animals, or just helping myself. I can say that this media ban has definitely been for the better.
I have to say that since my social media ban and journaling I have become more positive. I am glad for this unexpected outcome. I have begun to think of life in a better way… not as much as what I don’t have, but more like what I have been missing. I used to worry if something I wanted price dropped on Amazon, and now I have gone through my clothes and donated them to people who ned them. I have started to understand that I don’t need this much to have a happy life. I encourage everyone to take a few days away from everyone and everything to realize what they need in their lives to make themselves happy.
I have come to realize that without the use of social media… you start to see things differently. I had no idea what I was missing in the world, in my own circle, and within myself. I have began to see things and started to change myself for the better when I started to stop worrying about everything else. I have begun to take off the blinders and see the life I want and not the one that I think that I should have. It’s been very changing… and I have begun to be more positive because I’m looking at what I actually have in life; not what I don’t have or don’t need.
I have been on a social media ban for three days and things have changed. I realize how much time I spent looking at my phone, worrying about what people (whom I rarely ever actually talk to in person) are doing, and I was missing a lot in life. I realized how different it is to be disconnected, and I am enjoying it.
I have started to do a daily journal and found myself being much more positive when I began to worry about myself and not about what others are doing. I realized that while I can about my friends, I don’t need to see every thing they do, and the same goes for me. I don’t need to tell everyone I’m doing. I found out that I had created an image of what I thought people’s lives were, but after talking to them it was never as happy as it seems. I am starting to think that social media just give false ideas of people and their lives. I find this heartbreaking because if someone is really going through something they aren’t showing it so you have no idea that you should be reaching out to help them through a potentially hard patch in their life. I have began to hate this idea the more I think on it.
I want friends, and to be there for them when they need it. I don’t want for people to be scared to reach out for me or for me to reach out if I need them. I don’t want anyone in my life to suffer in silence. I have started to reach out to old friends, and find out that I should have been there when I wasn’t… it’s scary to think what you last conversation with them could have been, but thankfully wasn’t.
I am making 2018 about happiness, and that includes bring others into my happiness so it can be a great year for them as well.
I have recently set up a self imposed ban from all my social media. I have allowed myself this blog, and tumblr to still use. I have done this because I realize that my use of social media has become crippling. I am now carrying about how many likes, follows, what can I do to get more? Who is doing what or who today? Where is my favorite celebrity? Or what’s the latest diet trend.
I realized that all these questions where not only taking over my life, and my time… but ultimately are useless to my overall happiness. I have struggled with being happy for the last few years. I have depression and this has culminated into someone that isn’t me and someone that I don’t like. I am surprised that my friends still like me. I don’t want that or to be that person anymore.
I have taken the first steps to be happy. I deleted all my social media. De-activated Facebook, deleted Twitter, Snapchat, and messenger. I did it in one moment of pure rage, but it’s turned out good so far. I did it and made a promise to myself that I will find happiness. I quit a job that was making me sick, and stepping out on faith that God knows what’s best. I know that I did this without first praying (and that’s my own mistake), but as God’s child I know that he wants us to be happy. I know that he wants us to know him fully, and I had too many distractions to allow me to find him or myself most days.
I hope that anyone who reads this and needs to do the same can have the courage I had to go find what makes you happy.
So, it’s been a few days into 2018… and nothing has really changed. I know that everyone says ‘New Year, New You’, but in reality that rarely happens. You will change for a few days, and something will piss you off, happen, or you give up and go back to the ‘old you’. I have tried this a few times, but I have decided that instead of being a ‘new me’ that I am just going to add to the existing me. I am going to take up a new hobby, read more, and make new friends. I have many idea for 2018, and hopefully some of them will work out… but I am not going to become a new me… because then I wouldn’t really be me. I have learned that being ok with yourself and just adding to who you already are is much better than trying to become a new you.
These last few days have been a harsh reminder that life is both fleeting and precious. It’s a reminder to call old friends, tell people you love them because you can, take care of yourself, love yourself, and don’t over exert yourself while missing the little moments that life has to offer you. It’s a reminder to not be angry over the stupid stuff, to not be petty because you can, to forgive because you may never get a chance to if you don’t right then, and to live life fully.
carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero ~ Horace
Adapting is a word that everyone uses, but no one can really define it past the ability to change with the events in your life. I know that this is a great definition, but it’s not the only definition. Adapting is more than just changing because of events. You adapt to everything because of how you are feeling for the moment, that day, that week, or even for the rest of your life. A single instant can change everything and you have to ‘adapt’ to it, but it’s not you can define because you don’t know how long it will take. I don’t think of it as adapting… I think of it as a change on the outlook. I am in the process of changing my outlook again, and I refuse to just call it adapting because it’s a choice to do it with a good attitude.
I have struggled with the idea that I need to make more money no matter what the job I have is… this is a horrible mindset. I hated my job, and have recently had a change. I know that everything has gotten more expensive in the past ten years, but that is not an excuse for me to hate myself every day I go to work.
I have decided that happiness is a mindset, how food taste is objective, and that you can be happy even if you aren’t in a $40k car, a mansion, or wearing whatever the latest trend may be at that time, because it will change next week.
I hope that people can start to change the thinking that money buys happiness… it does not. Money pays bills. Bill happen because you wanted something and are choosing to pay for it. I have decided that if I can’t pay in cash or don’t need it then it’s not going to be in my life.