Food… and fear

I find myself continually struggling with food. I find comfort in food and I always have since I was little. I would eat until I made myself sick because there were days were I wasn’t sure if I was going to get that next meal so maybe I should stock up. I think that I have that fear even now when I know that I am going to be alright… but those fears are always there.

The fears we have can help or hurt us. I have to use my fear of wondering what is going to happen next to have a positive outlook. I know that if I don’t then that fear will really cripple me. I don’t want to be a slave to a fear or an idea. I have learned to try and overcome these things to be a better person. I know that one thing I had to realized was that first, I wasn’t alone…. and second, food wasn’t going to fix it. I think that we must learn to take small steps to face our fears and overcome them to be the best people we can be.

Opportunities

I have had a lot of opportunities in life. They come daily and sometimes they only come around once. I have had a lot of time where I made a decision and had to wonder if it was the right decision. I did this for a long time and I had to wonder if I was making the right decisions. I woke up one day and realized that I didn’t want to be the person who wished they had done a lot, so I started to do them. I have learned a lot of lessons from the choices I have made. I have had a lot of fun experiences, but mostly I learned to play the cards  I was dealt in life.

You can’t go back on any decision no matter how big or little it seems at the time. I have decided that any opportunity that comes my way is going to be the best thing for that moment. I will make the best of everything in life. You have to to or else you will let the ‘ifs’ and ‘maybes’ ruin your life.

Settling or Accepting a Different Path?

I have recently made some very life changing decisions that I hope are for the best. I know that some decision may not seem huge and others seem like your whole life won’t go back to how it is at that moment once you have made the decision. I have made one of the major decision that will change my life for at least the next 15 years. I hope that I have made the right decision, but I have done so with the knowledge that God will get me through it no matter what happens.

I have faith and trust that whatever happens is what is supposed to happen. I know that this decision will change my life, but it won’t make it perfect. I can’t help but think if I am truly changing my life path or if I am settling. I know that this is something I will struggle with no matter how ‘sure’ I am of the decision.

I know that sometimes when we think we are settling we are actually choosing a path that will lead us to much more happiness. We always struggle with huge decisions and that’s just part of life. I just hope that my decision really is a good one and not me settling just to keep some other part of my life happy.

Stress

I have always been ‘stressed’, and it always resolves itself. God always get me though things and calms me down. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I ended up in the emergency room yesterday, because of stress. I felt like I was having a heart attack and panic set in. I was too young to have a heart attack, to be like this, and I realized that I hadn’t done everything I wanted to in life. I was already getting upset that I would have to give things up, not be able to do things, and what about my bills… all these things come from stress. I never realized how bad it could be. I was relieved that it wasn’t a heart attack, but a condition brought on by stress. I will admit that it was scary because I never realized how bad stress was or just how silently it could affect you.

I have determined that I will now have fun in life, realized that God let me have stress to remember to lean on him, and to understand that some things aren’t things to worry about.

Celebrate the Small Wins

I know that I am guilty of over looking the small things, but I have come to understand that the small things are what makes up the majority of our lives. I used to look back at my day and get mad at the one thing that would go bad. I would dwell on that and let it ruin the rest of my day, but that doesn’t make up your day. I had to realize that 95% of my day went good or at least in my favor. I was ruining my own days and time because of that 5 %… so remember don’t let that 5% ruin your days. Celebrate the good moments, the small wins, and don’t focus on the bad.

Just Breathe

I forced myself to take time this morning to take time for myself. I was able to meditate, think about life, and take in the nature around me. I was happy to take the time for myself to think about what I needed… not what others needed. Its taken a long time for me to take time for myself because I love so many. I want to always help others, but some days you have to remember to help yourself. So, some days let’s just remember to breathe.

Humanity

I have had some very interesting and eye opening experiences in the last 48 hours that make me see the good and bad sides of humanity. I was frustrated and upset that people can see something horrible happen and do nothing but stare. I wish that people would try and put themselves in the persons place and understand that if the same thing was happening to them that they would probably want privacy.

Bad things happen in life… to everyone. Change and bad things are the only constants in life. I know that this is the one thing that everyone shares. We all have these experiences and in those moments we want people to be there, to comfort us, or to help us. The moments that happen are when you hope for the best in humanity.

I saw the best in humanity as well. I had people offer to help with the situation. I had people respect privacy, and understand that they didn’t need to be there at that moment. I wish that more people would understand that this is the appropriate response to the majority of bad things that happen. I understand curiosity… but have some fucking respect. I know that there when come a moment when you are going to want that same respect.

I have realized while dealing with this that even though bad things happen it’s all in how you deal with it. I want to be that respectful person in all bad situations and hopefully help others to understand to do the same.

Positives

I had an interesting experience at work today and it made me realize that a lot of people only focus on the negatives. We are used to so many bad things being around that we only notice them. We need to focus on the positives in life to make it better not only for ourselves, but for others. I have heard that we need to be the change we want to see in this world… well, lets start with positives.

You are not a tree…

I was once told that you can do anything you set your mind to… and I believed it. I always thought that I could, until I grew up and realized that it comes with consequences. The consequences are what usually stops us from doing what we want or what we desire.

I want to find happiness. I want to be free. I want to do whatever I want… and I can, but it comes with consequences. They can be good or bad, but they still happen with every decision or action you take. I want a million dollars, but robbing a bank has negative consequences. I want to be thinner, so eating better has positive consequences. The consequences are what make up most of our lives. They can be good, bad, or some depend on how you look at them.

The action of looking at things positive or negative can make huge differences in your life. I have moved many times over the past years and they have been both good an bad. I loved it, I have hated it, and some where just because I wasn’t feeling where I was at right then. I was told that you are not a tree… you can move.

The ability to move is what gives me life. I know that some times you have to be more willing to give up or accept certain things when you do this, but it gives you amazing perspectives. You get to choose where you want to be happy, where you want to settle, and what parts of that place can shape you to who you are.

I think what I am trying to express right now is that you always have the ability to change your surroundings. I know that it may not seem like sometimes, and i have gone into debt to change mine, but I wouldn’t change anything I Have done to get to where I want to be tomorrow.

Comfort Zones

We all have comfort zones where you feel comfortable or safe. We all want or desire to push out of these, but it’s scary. The fear of change is scary because it’s unknown. The unknown is something that no one wants to deal with it because it’s not something you can get advice on, because it’s unknown.

The unknown can turn out to be incredibly scary or incredibly awesome. I have dealt with both of these spectrums when stepping out of my comfort zone. I used to say that I hated changed, but then I realized that your days are nothing but change. You wake up one morning and think it’s going to go exactly how yesterday went, but it doesn’t… and that’s change. You may not realize it but every day you have to go out of your comfort zone at some point. You may have to go to work a different route due to different circumstances, you have to have something different for a meal, or you go somewhere new due to an invitation. You expand your comfort zone without realizing it.

I realized this and it was a shock to me. I have moved many times in the last years and had to create new comfort zones. I had to find new places to live, to eat, change job locations, and meet new people. I ended up creating a new comfort area, and it was hard. I managed to find what and where I liked each time I moved, but it wasn’t easy. A lot of trail and error went into finding these places… usually error.

The error is what gives us the memories, learn what we do and don’t want from that point on, and changes us a little bit to be who we are after that moment. I realized that I do have comfort zones, but they aren’t what they used to be. I am learning to be ok with this… and maybe one day I won’t need these zones to be who I am.