Formalities

I have learned that in simple conversation so many things are a cover for something else. I know that most of the time when you ask someone how they are, the normal answer is ‘fine’. I know that this is a mechanism because most people understand that may care, but this is a formality, not an actual question.

I wish that we could stop this. I wish that there was some way the when people asked it they actually meant it. I know that it’s usually asked in passing, but maybe we need to stop and make more times for others. I know that we need to make more times for ourselves…

 

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The path is wide…

Life can throw you curveballs. They can be spaced out or all at once right in the strike zone without warning. I have learned that no matter what anyone says there is no right or wrong way to deal with anything, but you must deal with it. I wish that life was all fairy tales, rainbows, and happy ever afters, but it isn’t.

The life that each of us is given maybe similar to someone else, but no one will ever know how you truly deal with something, because no two people deal with things the same. People deal with things head on, put it off for awhile, ignore the problem until it’s so bad that you have no choices left, or they blame it on someone else in an attempt to not deal with it. I have realized that no matter which of these you choose you are still, in your own way, dealing with it.

I have tried most of these solutions at one time or another only to find that half of them lead you down a dark road that you struggle to get back from. They say that the path to hell is wide and filled with many, so many days I wonder if the path with depression looks much the same because it can be a personal hell.

Depression isn’t something that should be joked about because everyone deals with it differently, and for some they don’t see a way out. I have struggled with that ending for my own struggles, but ultimately I keep going because I know that it’s just a small time in my life. I am aware that I will have to deal with this time many times, but if I got through it once I know that I can get through it again.

I can’t tell you that there is one miracle thing that works, but I can urge you to keep going. Keep trying, and find those people or pets that you can lean on… you aren’t ever truly alone. I also have my own personal weapon… I pray. I pray that my good times with come quickly, that God will comfort me when I need it, and to know that no matter what I am going through that I am doing this for a reason.

Food… and fear

I find myself continually struggling with food. I find comfort in food and I always have since I was little. I would eat until I made myself sick because there were days were I wasn’t sure if I was going to get that next meal so maybe I should stock up. I think that I have that fear even now when I know that I am going to be alright… but those fears are always there.

The fears we have can help or hurt us. I have to use my fear of wondering what is going to happen next to have a positive outlook. I know that if I don’t then that fear will really cripple me. I don’t want to be a slave to a fear or an idea. I have learned to try and overcome these things to be a better person. I know that one thing I had to realized was that first, I wasn’t alone…. and second, food wasn’t going to fix it. I think that we must learn to take small steps to face our fears and overcome them to be the best people we can be.

Opportunities

I have had a lot of opportunities in life. They come daily and sometimes they only come around once. I have had a lot of time where I made a decision and had to wonder if it was the right decision. I did this for a long time and I had to wonder if I was making the right decisions. I woke up one day and realized that I didn’t want to be the person who wished they had done a lot, so I started to do them. I have learned a lot of lessons from the choices I have made. I have had a lot of fun experiences, but mostly I learned to play the cards  I was dealt in life.

You can’t go back on any decision no matter how big or little it seems at the time. I have decided that any opportunity that comes my way is going to be the best thing for that moment. I will make the best of everything in life. You have to to or else you will let the ‘ifs’ and ‘maybes’ ruin your life.

Settling or Accepting a Different Path?

I have recently made some very life changing decisions that I hope are for the best. I know that some decision may not seem huge and others seem like your whole life won’t go back to how it is at that moment once you have made the decision. I have made one of the major decision that will change my life for at least the next 15 years. I hope that I have made the right decision, but I have done so with the knowledge that God will get me through it no matter what happens.

I have faith and trust that whatever happens is what is supposed to happen. I know that this decision will change my life, but it won’t make it perfect. I can’t help but think if I am truly changing my life path or if I am settling. I know that this is something I will struggle with no matter how ‘sure’ I am of the decision.

I know that sometimes when we think we are settling we are actually choosing a path that will lead us to much more happiness. We always struggle with huge decisions and that’s just part of life. I just hope that my decision really is a good one and not me settling just to keep some other part of my life happy.

Stress

I have always been ‘stressed’, and it always resolves itself. God always get me though things and calms me down. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I ended up in the emergency room yesterday, because of stress. I felt like I was having a heart attack and panic set in. I was too young to have a heart attack, to be like this, and I realized that I hadn’t done everything I wanted to in life. I was already getting upset that I would have to give things up, not be able to do things, and what about my bills… all these things come from stress. I never realized how bad it could be. I was relieved that it wasn’t a heart attack, but a condition brought on by stress. I will admit that it was scary because I never realized how bad stress was or just how silently it could affect you.

I have determined that I will now have fun in life, realized that God let me have stress to remember to lean on him, and to understand that some things aren’t things to worry about.

Celebrate the Small Wins

I know that I am guilty of over looking the small things, but I have come to understand that the small things are what makes up the majority of our lives. I used to look back at my day and get mad at the one thing that would go bad. I would dwell on that and let it ruin the rest of my day, but that doesn’t make up your day. I had to realize that 95% of my day went good or at least in my favor. I was ruining my own days and time because of that 5 %… so remember don’t let that 5% ruin your days. Celebrate the good moments, the small wins, and don’t focus on the bad.

Just Breathe

I forced myself to take time this morning to take time for myself. I was able to meditate, think about life, and take in the nature around me. I was happy to take the time for myself to think about what I needed… not what others needed. Its taken a long time for me to take time for myself because I love so many. I want to always help others, but some days you have to remember to help yourself. So, some days let’s just remember to breathe.

Humanity

I have had some very interesting and eye opening experiences in the last 48 hours that make me see the good and bad sides of humanity. I was frustrated and upset that people can see something horrible happen and do nothing but stare. I wish that people would try and put themselves in the persons place and understand that if the same thing was happening to them that they would probably want privacy.

Bad things happen in life… to everyone. Change and bad things are the only constants in life. I know that this is the one thing that everyone shares. We all have these experiences and in those moments we want people to be there, to comfort us, or to help us. The moments that happen are when you hope for the best in humanity.

I saw the best in humanity as well. I had people offer to help with the situation. I had people respect privacy, and understand that they didn’t need to be there at that moment. I wish that more people would understand that this is the appropriate response to the majority of bad things that happen. I understand curiosity… but have some fucking respect. I know that there when come a moment when you are going to want that same respect.

I have realized while dealing with this that even though bad things happen it’s all in how you deal with it. I want to be that respectful person in all bad situations and hopefully help others to understand to do the same.

Positives

I had an interesting experience at work today and it made me realize that a lot of people only focus on the negatives. We are used to so many bad things being around that we only notice them. We need to focus on the positives in life to make it better not only for ourselves, but for others. I have heard that we need to be the change we want to see in this world… well, lets start with positives.