Mortality

These last few days have been a harsh reminder that life is both fleeting and precious. It’s a reminder to call old friends, tell people you love them because you can, take care of yourself, love yourself, and don’t over exert yourself while missing the little moments that life has to offer you. It’s a reminder to not be angry over the stupid stuff, to not be petty because you can, to forgive because you may never get a chance to if you don’t right then, and to live life fully.

 

carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero ~ Horace

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Adaptations

Adapting is a word that everyone uses, but no one can really define it past the ability to change with the events in your life. I know that this is a great definition, but it’s not the only definition. Adapting is more than just changing because of events. You adapt to everything because of how you are feeling for the moment, that day, that week, or even for the rest of your life. A single instant can change everything and you have to ‘adapt’ to it, but it’s not you can define because you don’t know how long it will take. I don’t think of it as adapting… I think of it as a change on the outlook. I am in the process of changing my outlook again, and I refuse to just call it adapting because it’s a choice to do it with a good attitude.

The Struggle

I have struggled with the idea that I need to make more money no matter what the job I have is… this is a horrible mindset. I hated my job, and have recently had a change. I know that everything has gotten more expensive in the past ten years, but that is not an excuse for me to hate myself every day I go to work.

I have decided that happiness is a mindset, how food taste is objective, and that you can be happy even if you aren’t in a $40k car, a mansion, or wearing whatever the latest trend may be at that time, because it will change next week.

I hope that people can start to change the thinking that money buys happiness… it does not. Money pays bills. Bill happen because you wanted something and are choosing to pay for it. I have decided that if I can’t pay in cash or don’t need it then it’s not going to be in my life.

Hate

It’s amazing that so much can come from a simple word… a normal sounding word. The world has been shocked by another sad moment of hate. A simple moment that has yet again changed how we deal with everyday life, how we deal with going out in public, and how we perceive things that should be safe. I think it’s starting to be the norm that no where is really safe… no where will ever really be safe again.

I know that there are many factors that play into every scenario like this… is it mental illness? is it a scorned lover? is it a terrorist group? We may know some of these answers, but not all of them… and some of these answers won’t help the families, friends, and survivors of attacks like today’s in Las Vegas.

The banning of guns could help, testing for mental illness could help, and there are so many things that could help… but it won’t stop until hate stops being present in this world. I know that life these days has more stress, problems, and hate than generations past. I know that it’s always been there, but lately it seems to boil up to the surface so much easier than it ever has in the past.

We are all in this world, and I know that the next world holds for me. I know that once I am done with this world the next one I go to will be a place of peace, love, and hope. I yearn for the next world so much more after days like we have lived through today. The bottom line is this is the only world we have… let’s make it the best one we can.

Formalities

I have learned that in simple conversation so many things are a cover for something else. I know that most of the time when you ask someone how they are, the normal answer is ‘fine’. I know that this is a mechanism because most people understand that may care, but this is a formality, not an actual question.

I wish that we could stop this. I wish that there was some way the when people asked it they actually meant it. I know that it’s usually asked in passing, but maybe we need to stop and make more times for others. I know that we need to make more times for ourselves…

 

The path is wide…

Life can throw you curveballs. They can be spaced out or all at once right in the strike zone without warning. I have learned that no matter what anyone says there is no right or wrong way to deal with anything, but you must deal with it. I wish that life was all fairy tales, rainbows, and happy ever afters, but it isn’t.

The life that each of us is given maybe similar to someone else, but no one will ever know how you truly deal with something, because no two people deal with things the same. People deal with things head on, put it off for awhile, ignore the problem until it’s so bad that you have no choices left, or they blame it on someone else in an attempt to not deal with it. I have realized that no matter which of these you choose you are still, in your own way, dealing with it.

I have tried most of these solutions at one time or another only to find that half of them lead you down a dark road that you struggle to get back from. They say that the path to hell is wide and filled with many, so many days I wonder if the path with depression looks much the same because it can be a personal hell.

Depression isn’t something that should be joked about because everyone deals with it differently, and for some they don’t see a way out. I have struggled with that ending for my own struggles, but ultimately I keep going because I know that it’s just a small time in my life. I am aware that I will have to deal with this time many times, but if I got through it once I know that I can get through it again.

I can’t tell you that there is one miracle thing that works, but I can urge you to keep going. Keep trying, and find those people or pets that you can lean on… you aren’t ever truly alone. I also have my own personal weapon… I pray. I pray that my good times with come quickly, that God will comfort me when I need it, and to know that no matter what I am going through that I am doing this for a reason.

Food… and fear

I find myself continually struggling with food. I find comfort in food and I always have since I was little. I would eat until I made myself sick because there were days were I wasn’t sure if I was going to get that next meal so maybe I should stock up. I think that I have that fear even now when I know that I am going to be alright… but those fears are always there.

The fears we have can help or hurt us. I have to use my fear of wondering what is going to happen next to have a positive outlook. I know that if I don’t then that fear will really cripple me. I don’t want to be a slave to a fear or an idea. I have learned to try and overcome these things to be a better person. I know that one thing I had to realized was that first, I wasn’t alone…. and second, food wasn’t going to fix it. I think that we must learn to take small steps to face our fears and overcome them to be the best people we can be.

Opportunities

I have had a lot of opportunities in life. They come daily and sometimes they only come around once. I have had a lot of time where I made a decision and had to wonder if it was the right decision. I did this for a long time and I had to wonder if I was making the right decisions. I woke up one day and realized that I didn’t want to be the person who wished they had done a lot, so I started to do them. I have learned a lot of lessons from the choices I have made. I have had a lot of fun experiences, but mostly I learned to play the cards  I was dealt in life.

You can’t go back on any decision no matter how big or little it seems at the time. I have decided that any opportunity that comes my way is going to be the best thing for that moment. I will make the best of everything in life. You have to to or else you will let the ‘ifs’ and ‘maybes’ ruin your life.

Settling or Accepting a Different Path?

I have recently made some very life changing decisions that I hope are for the best. I know that some decision may not seem huge and others seem like your whole life won’t go back to how it is at that moment once you have made the decision. I have made one of the major decision that will change my life for at least the next 15 years. I hope that I have made the right decision, but I have done so with the knowledge that God will get me through it no matter what happens.

I have faith and trust that whatever happens is what is supposed to happen. I know that this decision will change my life, but it won’t make it perfect. I can’t help but think if I am truly changing my life path or if I am settling. I know that this is something I will struggle with no matter how ‘sure’ I am of the decision.

I know that sometimes when we think we are settling we are actually choosing a path that will lead us to much more happiness. We always struggle with huge decisions and that’s just part of life. I just hope that my decision really is a good one and not me settling just to keep some other part of my life happy.

Stress

I have always been ‘stressed’, and it always resolves itself. God always get me though things and calms me down. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I ended up in the emergency room yesterday, because of stress. I felt like I was having a heart attack and panic set in. I was too young to have a heart attack, to be like this, and I realized that I hadn’t done everything I wanted to in life. I was already getting upset that I would have to give things up, not be able to do things, and what about my bills… all these things come from stress. I never realized how bad it could be. I was relieved that it wasn’t a heart attack, but a condition brought on by stress. I will admit that it was scary because I never realized how bad stress was or just how silently it could affect you.

I have determined that I will now have fun in life, realized that God let me have stress to remember to lean on him, and to understand that some things aren’t things to worry about.