Exciting is Scary

I woke up this morning, and realized that I didn’t have to get ready for work. I realized that I didn’t have any plans. I realized that I had no idea what I was doing… and it was scary, but it was also exciting.

I have often heard that if your dreams don’t scare you then they aren’t big enough. I don’t think that quitting my job from an abusive boss was exactly a dream, but more of an idea that I wanted to be happy in my job. You don’t have to work somewhere that has any form of abuse, just because it pays well. I know that money isn’t everything, but it was solidified for me this week… and that might be the thing that scares me the most.

I was given the reminder that money doesn’t buy happiness. I had the thought float through my head…could I work for less than I used to? Could I work and actually be happy? Could I work and not stress on my days off that I got everything done? I thought all these questions and much more… and I got happy. I was happy at the idea that this is a new start for me. I could do something else… something new… something that paid less, but also stressed less.

So… exciting is scary, but it’s still scary. I have been putting out applications, and now I just wait on God’s will… that’s also exciting and scary to see what could be next.



I have just done something so freeing… I quit my well paying job. I have no idea what the future holds, and hopefully it will be revealed quickly. I have no prospects, but the idea of working for an abusive boss isn’t something that I could do anymore.

I wanted to be successful, but I don’t think that I can do it as my own expense. I know that bills will pile up, things won’t go right, and I will get job rejections, but God has a plan… that I know for sure. I won’t let myself be told I am stupid, that I can’t do my job, or ¬†anything else that makes me doubt myself or my future.

We worry about so much stuff, and all it really comes down to is that it’s what we are told we need to worry about. I used to worry about my job, my car, my clothes… and then I realized that I can’t do that. I am so worried about what life tells me to worry about that I have missed the point of living… which is to enjoy that which is around you. I don’t want a job that makes me take home stress… I want a job that lets me enjoy life.


I have noticed that this isn’t a thing much anymore… no one wants to take responsibility, but everyone will hold others accountable. I don’t like this… I feel that we should all take responsibility for the things that we do. We don’t live in a world where someone else controls you… and if they do you need to take a look at your life. We weren’t created to be slaves to others, but to ourselves. We need to accept when we do something if it’s to the good or the bad. I see a lot of people wanting change, but no one will take on the responsibility to start this change. I think that if we start to do this then things will change. You cannot go around blaming others for your problems, your days, or anything… it’s up to you what you do so own it… even if it’s a bad one. You will be better because of it.

Actions… not words

I know that everyone has heard that actions speak louder than words, and this is absolutely true. I have found out this about my self more now than ever. I have started to re-evaluate why I do some of the things I do and found somethings that seem small can really hurt you in the long run. I urge everyone to look at yourself and think about why you do what you do even in a daily basis… it can be eye opening. I have made it a personal goal to change for the better… so better late than never.

1 Month down…

I have been off social media for 1 month and I have noticed a difference in myself. I have become more positive, realized who my friends are, and feel less stress than I have in a long time. I love the new feelings that I have about the world around me. I am finding out things about myself, my likes and dislikes, and new experiences that I would never have tried because I was so into what everyone else was doing.

I feel free from a lot of things that I used to worry about, I have learned whose opinions matter and whose don’t, and I have a better love for myself. I wasn’t sure I could make it a month, but now I can’t see myself getting back into it. I recommend everyone to try taking a month break from social media to see what you discover about others, yourself, and the world around you.

Valentine’s Day

I have a true love hate relationship with this holiday… namely because I don’t think it’s a holiday. I don’t think that buying someone extravagant gifts, flowers that quickly wilt, or chocolates that are over priced is the way to show someone you love them. I don’t think that telling someone you love them once in 365 days shows real love… I know that everyone’s love language is different, but this to me just doesn’t seem genuine. I am not here to down anyone who celebrates it, but I just don’t see it. I can’t imagine if Jesus or God only told us he loved us once… would we really know it or feel it? Probably not… he tells us every day in ways that are both seen and unseen. I know that as a human being it’s nice to feel and know you are loved and wanted so let’s try to make everyday Valentine’s Day in our own ways.

2 weeks

I have been without social media for over 2 weeks now… and I can tell it’s made a difference in me. I have become more social to the real people around me. I have begun to read more, do things I hadn’t in a long time, and even pick up a hobby. I am appreciating the small things, like how good a cup of coffee can taste if you aren’t focusing on everything else. I have begun to appreciate myself more, because I can say that I’m happy… really happy. I don’t have to worry about, read about, or hear about whatever problems or stress people are going through or think they are going through. I have begun to see the other parts of life like compassion for others, helping the animals, or just helping myself. I can say that this media ban has definitely been for the better.


I have to say that since my social media ban and journaling I have become more positive. I am glad for this unexpected outcome. I have begun to think of life in a better way… not as much as what I don’t have, but more like what I have been missing. I used to worry if something I wanted price dropped on Amazon, and now I have gone through my clothes and donated them to people who ned them. I have started to understand that I don’t need this much to have a happy life. I encourage everyone to take a few days away from everyone and everything to realize what they need in their lives to make themselves happy.


I have come to realize that without the use of social media… you start to see things differently. I had no idea what I was missing in the world, in my own circle, and within myself. I have began to see things and started to change myself for the better when I started to stop worrying about everything else. I have begun to take off the blinders and see the life I want and not the one that I think that I should have. It’s been very changing… and I have begun to be more positive because I’m looking at what I actually have in life; not what I don’t have or don’t need.

Day 3 & a Heavy Realization

I have been on a social media ban for three days and things have changed. I realize how much time I spent looking at my phone, worrying about what people (whom I rarely ever actually talk to in person) are doing, and I was missing a lot in life. I realized how different it is to be disconnected, and I am enjoying it.

I have started to do a daily journal and found myself being much more positive when I began to worry about myself and not about what others are doing. I realized that while I can about my friends, I don’t need to see every thing they do, and the same goes for me. I don’t need to tell everyone I’m doing. I found out that I had created an image of what I thought people’s lives were, but after talking to them it was never as happy as it seems. I am starting to think that social media just give false ideas of people and their lives. I find this heartbreaking because if someone is really going through something they aren’t showing it so you have no idea that you should be reaching out to help them through a potentially hard patch in their life. I have began to hate this idea the more I think on it.

I want friends, and to be there for them when they need it. I don’t want for people to be scared to reach out for me or for me to reach out if I need them. I don’t want anyone in my life to suffer in silence. I have started to reach out to old friends, and find out that I should have been there when I wasn’t… it’s scary to think what you last conversation with them could have been, but thankfully wasn’t.

I am making 2018 about happiness, and that includes bring others into my happiness so it can be a great year for them as well.